I really wish I had a boyfriend. Mostly because I want someone to bring me something red velvet right now because I’ve had a rough weekend so far and red velvet makes everything better. And wine. But I already have wine. Please don’t think for a moment that I need a man to bring me wine, ha!

But red velvet something would be nice right now. Only with vanilla icing, not cream cheese icing. I never understood why red velvet and carrot cake always comes with cream cheese icing. That shit is gross! Vanilla please! And I know I’m right because my brother agrees with me and he’s right pretty much about everything so therefore I win.

In other news, I have a selfie with the top ranked eventing rider in the world. And there’s a flying squirrel in my freezer. #truestory #sorrynotsorry

Yes, I realize these two items are not necessarily related. Nor is the want for red velvet with vanilla icing. But I have red wine by Dave Matthews called Crush, and it’s amazing, far better than his song. That should be a given, of course, since it’s wine and wine is amazing.

I may also be punchy from very little sleep because for the past few days I’ve been dealing with two sick cats and a sick horse. Anyone who says that owning animals is way easier than owning children has never checked on a colicky horse every hour around the clock for 2+ days straight while cleaning up cat vomit at regular intervals between treks to the paddock.

Have I mentioned there’s a flying squirrel in my freezer? No need to call the SPCA, he was already dead when I put him there, though he looked pretty alive when I took his picture. I assure you he was long dead, and just somehow managed to rigor mortis as if he was mid-flight, which I gather is how he died because he wasn’t a very good flying squirrel and missed his mark. Or perhaps he had a heart attack mid-flight and that’s why he missed his mark. Either way he was dead when I found him, remained dead for this photo shoot, and is presently chillin (pun intended) in my freezer to see if he’d be a good addition to The Bloggess’s collection (if you don’t know who she is, you are seriously missing out. Google her – or just go read her blog TheBloggess.com. NOW!).

I guess it’s good I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m trying to lose weight anyway and red velvet would totally get in the way of that. Even if it did taste like heaven. But then I’d get annoyed with my boyfriend because he got cream cheese icing and doesn’t he already know that I hate cream cheese icing? See? This is why I am single. And independent. And celebrating Independence Day. Well that and because of our troops and those who have served and saved us and given us the freedoms we have, like the freedom to have a selfie with the top rider in the world and keep a dead flying squirrel in your freezer. Beat that, Europe!

#freedom

See? It’s all true! (I PROMISE you he was dead in that photo! No no, not Michael Jung the event rider, the flying squirrel. I also promise you that Michael Jung is very much alive, and kicking everyone’s asses around the world at eventing.)

After dealing with a lot of really stupid, mean, selfish, rude, cheap, and even abusive clients, I’m about done. No, I AM done.

1) unlimited rounds of revisions are NEVER in scope
2) it is not YOURS until you pay for it (try that in WalMart and see where that gets you…oh right, JAIL)
3) be nice and i’ll do more for you. be a condescending asshole, and i’ll fire you.
4) i have no hesitations in firing asshole clients (please refer to item #3)
5) even if i fire you, you are still responsible for paying me for the work that was completed under contract
6) not giving you your website, files, work i’ve done for you, etc. because you haven’t paid is NOT extortion. it’s work for hire, and it’s not YOUR work until you pay me for doing it (hence the hire part).
7) if you are stupid enough to argue the above, i’ll not only fire you, i’ll also take  you to court for what you owe me

that is all. #winning

Well first off, I haven’t blogged in months. Clearly that is an issue. Next, this blog is on Blogger (does anyone even use that anymore?!) and not WordPress. Another issue. However, on a much larger scale I’ve figure out a major #firstworldproblem.

Hair dryers.

No, really. You see, my friend borrowed my hair dryer to try to defrost the spigot in the barn this past weekend, and accidentally melted the end, and then left it in the shed to freeze. #ripoldhairdryer And yes, it’s been that fucking cold here that we’re using hair dryers in the barn. The rooster froze to the floor of a horse stall (we brought him inside but he was old and mean and died anyway). And every animal on the property that’s not a horse, now lives in the house. Really. It’s that fucking cold.

So after a week of sitting in front of my space heater with a wet head, I went looking for my hair dryer in the hopes that I could leave the house without my hair actually freezing to my head in seconds. When it’s in the negatives nearly every night, this is an actual concern, especially if you’re like me or my friend who borrowed my hair dryer and have long hair. When I found it in the barn I was devastated. Well, not entirely devastated, because it was older, but more so that it would mean if I washed my hair tonight, it would freeze to my head. Clearly, there was no other option. I couldn’t ever wash my hair again. I needed to buy a new hair dryer.

I got into my truck, and headed over the mountain to TJ Maxx, the light of my life and the main source of entertainment when it’s too cold to actually have any semblance of a real social life these days, all in pursuit of a new hair dryer. I had my friend in the loop via text message, and she offered to pay for a new dryer for me, but I insisted I’d split it with her since mine was older anyway. How hard could finding a hair dryer be? Oh was I in for it….

The options were either a POS Revlon that looked cheaper than the cheapest Motel-8 variation, or a select few for $$$$. There was even a hair dryer with red LED lazer lights (yes, spelled that way) to make your hair sleek and shiny as it dried. Lasers? On a hair dryer?! I had no idea there was this whole new level of hair dryer shopping, and so I Googled hair dryer reviews. 

And then I found this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUPSzGzJhbs

Really? For the record, I bought a hair dryer by Chi, that seemed relatively normal…we shall see…

I cleaned today. There was a lot of dust bunnies in my house. A morgue’s worth of dead flies (welcome to the first freeze of the season…followed by a 65 degree day and all the flies coming inside to save themselves. Great. I killed them by the hundreds or it seems like it) and there are now lots of tiny fly corpses on the floor of my kitchen just in time for my friend to come visit for the first time ever. Talk about great first impressions – sure don’t mind my clean house minus the fly cemetery in the kitchen…great.

I’m watching Frozen, finally. And lately I’ve been busier and more manic than ever. It seems to hit on Mondays, and be at bay for a few days til the next Monday it’s back. It’s terrifying. The hold it has on me is debilitating. And it scares me that years into being “better” that I can still have days as scary and debilitating like this. I don’t know how to fix it.

Like I said I am watching Frozen, finally. I love winter. All of it. The cold, the snow, the winds, and the chaos. And I understand the idea of being alone. I live such a full life, but I have so few I identify with. And those that I can identify with often, sadly, bear the brunt of my insanity. The fact that I have friends that regularly stand by me through that is nothing short of amazing.

You see, can let it go. Today and tomorrow. But I am having a hard time changing who I am. I am manic. And I am afraid, and sometimes that means being afraid of myself. Or of my lack of cleaning skills. By the way, in the midst of cleaning today, I also found spider poop (did you know spiders poop!? they do, and it’s white and dots like bad white out drips, under their webs, and it’s gross), and a mummified frog. I’d like to forget all of the above. But I have a clean house, a full (empty) bottle of wine, and am watching Frozen. And I am trying to let it go. Let it all go. I am what I am, manic and all. I just try to be a better person every day.

October is my birthday month, and I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve blogged on here. I supposed it’s because I’ve been so busy charading as an adult these days, and you know, working. 

I just turned 38, and decided I’d rather be 11. When my friend’s daughter who shares a birthday week told me she’d be 11 and asked how old I’d be, I said I was going to be 11 too! She didn’t believe me, but I told her it was better than being the age I was going to be, and to hang on to being a kid as long as she can! Seriously. This real world stuff can be exhausting!

It’s been raining every Saturday, which means my birthday bonfire still hasn’t happened. I’m wrapping up a few client projects which overlaps with some new client projects getting ready to start, and overall working from 10AM til 2AM isn’t all that unusual. And then there are days like today where I work from 10AM – 12PM and then run errands for 3 hours. Then I come home and work for a few more hours, and then go out and take care of my horses. Then I come back inside again and sit down and do a few reports, have a glass of wine, and call it a day. It makes me stop and realize just how much I can accomplish, and just how hard it must be being a real adult in the real REAL world.

My “corporate” pyramid

You see, I work for myself so that means I can make my own hours as long as I meet deadlines and goals for my clients. I work with a team of freelancers which means if we want to make more money or be more profitable, we work smarter, not harder. It also means that I can run errands in the middle of the day, take a morning off to fox hunt, or cram a 50+ hour work week into 3-4 days and have perpetual 3+ day weekends. Forever. Not bad, eh?

Realizing all of this, I realize just how much the real REAL world, as I’m calling it, totally, completely, fucking sucks. You’re encouraged to work harder, not smarter. At least that’s how it was when I was in the normal working world. If I got done 10 hours of work in 6 hours, I didn’t get to go home 2 hours early. Nope, I had to work more. If I worked late a few nights, I didn’t automatically get the day off after, or a half day Friday just because I worked so hard. Nope. I had to report to the office, work through client meetings, and sometimes even just have busy work to keep well…busy. Because that’s what the American workforce (at least the typical work-for-someone-else-in-a-white-collar-job) does. It just is. And it FUCKING sucks. I highly recommend against it.

Yeah, so then there’s me. And while I did legitimately log some 16h Monday, 9 or so on Tuesday, and then another 8 today, that means I’m already at 33h for the week. Tomorrow I’ll get about 3h of work done and then friday probably another 8h or so, still easily putting me over 40h for the week. Not too shabby. 

If I had to fit all that into a 9-5 work schedule, with a commute, scheduled lunches, and well, all the other corporate bullshit, I’d probably lose my mind. Okay, so maybe charading as an adult isn’t such a bad thing after all…at least the way it’s going for me. Rock on!

“Traditional” corporate pyramid LOL

The dryer stopped working. A horse that had a pinched nerve in his neck and was seemingly better had a bad day today. Needed the vet at the farm. My neck hurts. I am out of toilet paper. My new iPhone shipment was delayed and my 4S is hanging on by a thread. Oh, and it’s my birthday week. Happy Monday?Ugh. I feel like lately “one of those days” has been more like “every day” and really really REALLY need a change. It’s fall. That means there’s change on the wind, right? I mean really. Right? 

Thursday plans fell apart – then are coming back together. Saturday I’ve been planning a bonfire for weeks, preceded by wine tasting and apple picking to celebrate my birthday (which is Thursday) and now there’s a 90% chance of rain all day. Grrr….

It was such a Monday that when I finally sat down and a daddy longlegs fell off the ceiling onto to my arm, I screamed so loud I cried. Then I laughed so hard at myself I cried some more. And then I had wine.

42 minutes til Tuesday…and counting!

Last time I blogged, it was about being manic. Well this time it is too. It’s been far too long since I’ve blogged here, but lately blogging for clients everywhere else has taken precedence (oh yay paying bills and taxes!). And then fast forward to right now.

Right now I’m riding an incredible high. After days/weeks/months of one trial after another, one challenge, another setback, things like two of my horses yet again suffer major – and life threatening – setbacks in their injuries (with new ones to boot), nights of no sleep (quite literally) checking on them, stress on paying bills, more travel for work than I can afford or fit into a week or month within reason (I work for myself which is great, but also means work travel is paid by yours truly, to be argued on taxes after the fact…). Well, let’s just say I needed a break.

Queue this weekend and week. Great weather (it started to feel like fall, early – yes technically it is still summer until Sept 21st). Rainy Saturday meant grooming and barn time with both of my horses on layup. Last week the rest of my herd got worked. Sunday was an early morning hunter pace followed by an afternoon of (somewhat horrific but spent with great friends) football and beers. Yesterday the rescue mare that dropped a baby Saturday evening without warning was perking up. Dear friends came over for dinner. We had the first patio fire pit fire of the fall season. 

Today work was even more productive. My horses are healing well (even amazingly depending on which one you are talking about). Business is growing. My barn/riding team has a new name, a new Facebook page, and a new website is in the works. My horses are happy. My dogs and cats are cuddled around me. My fall decor is out, with champion ribbons from my favorite shows hanging around  my favorite red glass vase on my kitchen table, reminding me that it’s okay to take a break to rehab after an epic show season. 

Life. Is. Good. Great. Grand.

And, if you know me, or you are or know anyone that is manic, you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know it *just* started to get better. I know I have an epic October planned for my birthday that stands to be better than any year ever before. And I know that work is picking up yet again, my friends and family are amazing, and life just keeps getting better.

But I’m manic. And I’m skeptical. And I’m riding this wave as long as I can. I hope it lasts forever. I still wish on stars, and believe in magic. I still look for unicorns in my back yard among the bears and the deer. And I’ll always know that there are dragons and demons hiding in the shadows. Some are there to make me better, and some are of my own doing/undoing. 

For now, here’s to hoping this manic high lasts forever, or at least through my favorite season, and my birthday and my favorite holiday (Halloween) into my next favorite – winter and all that it brings. Haunt me with lows another day. For today I’m haunted with the brilliance of Autumn and October and all that it brings! Man, just wait til you hear what I have planned for my birthday weekend……epic and a half and then some and icing on the cake to boot!

Sometimes good ol country music really matters and after a week that makes most days look like hell and then some, and this was even worse, all I have to say is give me back my hometown. Here. Now. Not where I grew up (though that was damn awesome too). But the hometown where we have fireworks and beer, and where no one thinks I am weird for staying in all holiday weekend to check on my injured horse. Where this is life, and how we live, every day.

So how are you doing, kid? How is life out there? Out everywhere but here? Because I promise you I’d take this alone over the falsities of any suburban America any day. This is life. This is real. And I love each and every one of my friends for it.

And then this happened – I was alone, and I was happy, and I was loved. Thank you.

After a bunch of really stressful weeks, and an incredibly stressful month, things were capped off by the passing of Robin Williams, a personal inspiration of mine that drove me to pen this blog: “A Different Point of View, Captain.” Based on this, a friend shared this awesome tribe poster an artist in Canada did for Robin, and I was just wowed. I connected with the artist on Facebook, asking where I could get a print, and it turned out he didn’t have that set up yet. 

Guess what? Well he’s been retweeted by Rosie O’Donnell, flying all over social media, and until recently, you couldn’t even order one. Now you can, and I am really really excited. You can order one through the artist, Tyler Boyco, here: http://www.redbubble.com/people/tylerboyco/works/12467133-minimalist-inspired-robin-williams-character-tribute?p=art-print

Yeah, it’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?

So what are you waiting for? Order one already, will ya? And if anyone is interested in a limited edition signed and numbered print, Tyler is looking into getting a special run on high quality acid free paper to get that done. Pricing will be more than the poster, obviously, but drop a note in the comments if you are interested, and I’ll be sure to pass along the details!

Sometimes, even when life is rough, the good stuff just keeps on shining through.