No really, you read that right. This is a blog about tips for adulthood. Well, okay. Not really. It should perhaps be relabeled tips that work for me. But that’s not as interesting. 

1. Drugs suck, especially if you’re me. I injured my back recently (well really a horse did that for me but that’s another story…) and percosets keep me up all night, muscle relaxers don’t help and make me exceptionally stupid, and steroids make me fat and bloated and sweat a lot (attractive!). Take nothing and I can’t sleep because it hurts. Fun.
2. Getting old also sucks. I can remember a time when I didn’t care and rode my horses anyway, and was reckless and carefree. Now I’m more reckless and carefree seeing if having a glass of wine with percoset will make me sleepy (it doesn’t – and don’t worry, the doctor actually suggested I try it…I’m that weird when it comes to meds).
3. Crime TV is great until you start dreaming your house alarm is going off because someone broke in to steal your drum set (only I don’t have a drum set). Back meds may have been involved. See #1.
4. I’m still watching crime TV and taking back meds (though less of them thank goodness). I don’t expect to sleep much tonight.
5. Now you know why insomnia is my friend.
6. Procrastination sucks and doesn’t get your work done for you, even if you’re procrastinating by writing a blog while waiting for a new website theme for a client to upload so you can get back to work…even though you already have a glass of wine poured for the night and aren’t planning on getting back to work. Until you’re regretting having 12h of work to do on a Friday because you’ve procrastinated all week
7. You can suffocate (or close to it) by waking up to a cat trying to cuddle you by lying on your face. White fluffy cats are exceptionally good at this skill.
8. Wine doesn’t make it all better, but it makes numbers 1 – 7 seem less significant.
9. Friends make all of the above even better.
10. Smoking 6.7 pounds of pork roast on the grill takes longer than 4-5 hours. Much, much longer. Even when your friend tries to tell you he only bout 3 pounds, and you pull the label out of the trash to find out the real weight of the pork AKA half a pig. Yes, you know who you are, but it’s okay because it still came out awesome anyway. And now we have pork for dinner and lunch from now until August. Or September.

While admittedly, most of the time, I post on here ramblings and musings of the comical type, with a mixing in of real life events and a glimpse at my day to day insanity, occasionally I come across something on the web that just makes me stop and think. Makes me go hmm…maybe that’s me more than I realize.

Sure, I’m a very social person, but I do love my alone time. And I’ve got a wonderful knack for keeping myself too busy to have time for much outside of what I’ve already deemed “my life.” And true, there’s nothing wrong with that, but then there’s also times that I just have to wonder, maybe there’s more to it. Maybe there’s more than, oh, idk, wine…

Tonight I stumbled across this. If you take a moment to read it, I ask you to be gentle with your thoughts and judgements. Be forgiving with your “over achiever” and “aloof” comments. And just for a moment think that maybe this describes someone you know, and maybe, just maybe, that’s why she’s single.

This is just a reminder to be gentle with yourself, even when you don’t believe you deserve it, because you do. I do, too.

Wow, I’ve been really super bad at blogging lately. It’s not my fault, I promise. Between injuring my back (new horse does this supercool move called the electric slide where you’re riding, then you’re not…just like in a cartoon. Oh and it hurts. A LOT), gaining some awesome new clients, and then this RUS stuff kicking off (Racing Under Saddle, specifically the RUS New York 2014 Fair Series), I’ve barely had a moment to breathe.

Then we’ve had massive storms. And I’m not talking this wimpy category 2 offshore maybe sorta landfall storm Hurricane Arthur. Nope. I’m talking 2 days of ongoing poundings from massive thunderstorms with 60 mph winds, hail, and wicked lightening that left us with power outages for 5+ hours yesterday, and flash flooding today. Yes, here, on the mountain. Because when we get that many inches of rain in that short amount of time on a mountain, all the rain that falls on the top of the mountain has to go somewhere, and that’s downhill. My farm is just a few hundred feet off the peak, which is usually where the water goes. 

Granted, we’ve flooded before, with the worst being the one-two punch of Hurricane Irene followed by Tropical Storm Lee that dumped some 14+” in just a few days on my farm. It left my barn and indoor flooded (fortunately the house was okay) and my driveway completely washed out. We were without power for 3.5 days (not bad compared to some nearby towns but hey my small local co-op electric company is awesome!). 

We were more prepared for Hurricane Sandy which ravaged the coastline, but never made it quite as far inland as Irene and Sandy, and we didn’t flood much at all.

Then today. After yesterday’s storms, followed by even more back to back to back severe ones today, I was called after the races to come back to the barn because it was flooding. Badly. Nearly all the stalls flooded, and with several horses on stall rest, including two of my own, and one with an open wound that even wrapped CAN NOT GET WET, it was an emergency. Back injury aside (only 10% chance it’s a fracture in a vertebrae, but most definitely at least a severe contusion/bone bruise), with the help of some friends/boarders/barn employees/volunteers, we got 5 stalls built in the indoor from round pen panels and successfully moved the horses to dry ground out of harm’s way.

Then I showered when I *thought* storms had passed. And as I was shaving my legs, the power went out. So I finished shaving (yes in the dark, why not…I know where my leg is lol), and rinsed out the conditioner in my hair and turned off the water and grabbed for my towel. As the power came back on. FML.

Yup, that’s me right now. Except they’re actually prescribed by my doctor, so it’s all okay.

Hey, so at least the power came back on. And thank goodness for drugs because right now I’m high as a kite, and my back feels great! Let’s not think about how it will feel later. Wine aside for today, letting the meds to their magic 🙂 and at least I can sleep easy knowing that my horses (and my friends’ horses) are all safe and dry.

Oh, and if anyone needs good makeup, waterproof tinted moisturizer with SPF by Clinique is amazing, along with MAC eyeliner, and E.L.F. eyeshadow and blush. Despite the blaring heat and humidity pre-storms out on the track all day, with the need to look good to present prizes in the winner’s circle, my makeup stayed looking great all day – even well into the evening when I went for a late lunch/early dinner at my friend’s restaurant hours later. Hey, at least something went well! And the race was a huge success too. Focus on the positive right? And I’m drugged. So I feel great. Peachy! I don’t even mind that I may need to catch up on some work tomorrow because it may rain in the AM anyway, and I can’t ride anyway, and oh right, muscle relaxers and pain killers. That probably has something to do with it…okay, well happy Independence Day! Do something fun, enjoy yourself, and who knows. Maybe I’ll be inspired and blog again tomorrow wheeeee!!!!

It is impossible to drink too much white zinfandel. Just thought I’d inform you and save you the time and effort. I tried. Tastes great with fresh fruit on a hot summer day, but other than the taste, it’s useless. It’s like a more useless version of sangria. At least sangria has fizz. And hard liquor. White zin has pretty much nothing. It’s not even wine legally. I mean it is, but it shouldn’t be. It’s mostly just pink water with some fruit flavors, like a Capri Sun for adults. Not enough sugar to get you hyper, but as a kid, it made you feel almost as cool as the kids running around high on Kool Aid. Yeah, like that.

So that about sums up my life lately. Work is busy as shit, and there’s not enough time in the day. Got some help coming on board (thank goodness) and if it wasn’t for them, I’d be even more insane than I already am. And that’s saying something. Also thinking of updating my old WordPress blog that is useless and I never post on for updates on my new horse Tyler, who’s brilliant and fun and amazing….when he’s not trying to kill me. Yes, I am sitting on the couch icing my back right now from an injury he dished out to me last Saturday. Over a week ago. Slick ass schoolmaster of a horse…

Ah but I have wine. Real wine. Yellow Tail’s Pino Noir, so it’s red, real red, not pink, and tastes pretty good too. Although honestly at this point in my day/month/year/life I wouldn’t give two shits about how it tastes if it can manage to get my blood pressure and stress level down. Because wine. Yup, that’s about all I’ve got. It’s cheaper than therapy and is helping my back too. #winning

Somehow I don’t think they meant 1AM…

It’s 1AM and I can’t sleep. Not because I have that much work. Not because I didn’t do anything other than sit in front of a computer today. Nope, I actually hiked almost 4 miles today over rough terrain in under 1h5m (a personal best) after the rain stopped. Which, as a note to anyone that likes hiking, I don’t recommend hiking mountain trails in the late spring/early summer when things are finally growing and the trail is full of overhanging leaves. Because even though it stopped raining, EVERYTHING in the forest is soaking wet. Duh. 

Additional note: it’s even worse when you have to go to the bank and then to Wal-Mart running errands immediately after hiking. Soaking wet. Good thing my tee and pants were grey and not white. And that I was at one of the most white trash Pensyltucky Wal-Mart ever. Okay, maybe not ever, but near me. I don’t know that anyone even noticed. They probably just thought my clothes were a dark grey instead of light grey. Except for the squooshy noise my hiking shoes were making as the water slooshed between my socks and the sole. You know, because even waterproof hiking shoes don’t do squat when everything you touch is drenched.

And then there’s coffee. Which late night so that I could finish working seemed like a good idea. A few hours ago. Coffee never keeps me up, but I’m wide awake and not even yawning yet. Truth be told, I also had 20 oz of Dark Magic coffee, which may have been a slight bit of overkill. But hey, who’s keeping track? One more episode of IDTV, and then I’ll get sleepy, right? Or keep blogging. I wonder how many blogs I can write in one night. Of course tomorrow is a very busy day, so it would figure that I try to get ahead by working late and end up til all hours of the night. Awesome. Yup, go me. And here I am posting a hashtag I never thought was possible. #coffeefail 🙁 and I have no wine. Here’s to hoping I’m tired very soon! ID starts showing the same episodes on repeat after a certain time. Yes, I’ve been up this late before. 


Tonight, coffee, I curse you. Tomorrow, you damn well better keep me this wired! At least Forbes says morning isn’t the best time for coffee. See? I was just thinking ahead. 

Really, check out the Forbes article on the best time to drink coffee! People really study this stuff. I think I may have missed my calling.

Yeah, it’s been a fuck of a few weeks and things have been crazy to say the least. The good news is that I am finally almost all caught up on work, I’ve got some really great stuff on the horizon, oh, and it’s Friday. 

See a trend developing here? No, I don’t really drink that much wine. Okay, maybe I do, but I took a break for the weekend to drink a lot of other stuff instead. You know, beer, moonshine, Jack…because we wouldn’t want the other drinks to feel neglected like the forgotten stepchild of wine. Because wine.

OMG someone wrote a book about my year! Must read!

So, anyway. It’s been a doozy of a year. Wow, what an awkward word. But really it fits. From one thing to another, it’s amazing I still have a positive outlook on life, though over the years, I’ve learned that having a positive outlook really does make a difference. However, no one’s told that to the real world yet, apparently.

In Jan I slid on ice (my road was completely iced over) and hit my neighbors fence at about 10 mph. Not much damage to truck or fence except…yeah there’s always that exception right? Except, the computer malfunctioned, the airbag half-deployed, and not at point of impact, but after the fact (that was interesting…), and the entire computer malfunction basically meant my truck was fucked. Shop didn’t know how to fix it. Nissan didn’t know how to fix it. And a month and a half later driving an ice skate a Ford Fiesta (it’s a party in every ride, I promise you) in winter around the mountains of New Jersey in the worst winter on record – DAMMIT I HAVE A TRUCK FOR A REASON! – I’m about fed up.

Yay! I got my truck back. Week later BOOM! Deer jumps a snowbank into the side of my truck and dents the fender, rips the wheel well rubber guard, and breaks my BRAND NEW grille. Awesome. That was Feb.

My show horse pretty much ended up like this…

March into April, my main show horse is almost better from pulling his groin muscles falling on ice like Bambi (yup, I wish I was kidding) when he goes to get up from rolling and pulls him armpit (again I wish I was kidding). Score for the most bizarre injuries ever on a horse. Then bangs his knee, that swells. Bangs his ankles, those swell. I swear he needs a padded room at this point. *sigh* Then another horse yanks me sideways and re-aggravates an old neck injury (damaged disc) that results in a 5 day migraine. I think I may have stopped for a moment in here to blog about this. If so, I apologize. I was on lots of painkillers and wine, so it likely made no sense at all. Yup, fun March and April.

But why stop there? And then there’s May. I now understand the saying “Mayday! Mayday!” because I’m about ready to scream that. Lucky (another horse) tears his leg up on safety tape that didn’t give way and break how it should have because it caught on an old scar on that leg when he had a similar injury from 2005 and the scar tissue gives out. Peels the skin off to the tendon, including hitting a skin artery. Blood EVERYWHERE. Happy Monday! Tues go get a new horse for a friend, and Wed Lucky has a drug reaction that nearly kills him – but not. YAY! He’s still alive (he’s DAMN Lucky!). And finally it’s almost Memorial Day and I can get away to see friends for our annual camping trip and DRINK. I don’t mean drink. I mean we DRINK. It’s much needed for all of us that tend to work too many hours a week for too many days of the month, and it’s great to let loose in the woods with good friends and good times. This year it didn’t even snow. It rained, but hey, it didn’t snow (and yet again here I am wishing I was joking, but last year it snowed. really.).

As if that wasn’t enough, the weekend ends and my main laptop – to the tune of a very VERY expensive 1 year old MacBook Pro craps out. Display is shot, and fan is going and it’s 6 weeks out of warranty. Woot woot! Get home in time for the vet to check my show horse Sky and BAM! Suspensory ligament damage. *doublesigh*

So I’m sorry if I’ve been all over the place, and everywhere but here, but trust me I’d rather be here blogging than dealing with all of this. Somehow, I’m optimistic the horses will all make a full recovery, the MacBook is being repaired for far less than retail repair cost (though still not free grrr….Apple), and I have wine.

Red velvet wine and cupcakes of course. Because after a year like this, who wants lemonade? Even with vodka because vodka ew. But wine? EXACTLY. See? That’s why we understand each other. As crazy as things have been, I’m still smiling and laughing – how else could I stay sane? And trying to fit 60h of work a week into about 2-3 functional days each week thanks to all these illnesses and emergencies and issues cropping up everywhere. Which is why I’m blogging and still working procrastinating at 12:15 AM. And drinking wine. 

Today was a New Moon, so cheers and here’s to new beginnings and much better luck and maybe even some productivity going forward. If nothing else, this weekend is the first bonfire of the season so if all else fails, I’ll just burn shit. YAY!

I can do with wine. Vacation looks like it will have to wait. So once again I’ve taken a hiatus from here because life got in the way. Just off a 5 day migraine with 2 week repercussions (damaged discs in the neck are fun!), and Monday starts off with my one horse tearing open his leg (same one as 9 years ago) completely down to the tendons, huge skin flap (yup, that is every bit as gross as it sounds) and an open artery. Granted, it was – thank god – a skin-level artery but the fun thing about arteries is that they shoot out blood in a projectile manner the same as they do on a horror movie set. Only this was real, and coming from my horse’s leg.

Why is it, exactly, that wine is so damn good at so many things? It’s good for relaxing, paired with the right foods, with cheese, on its own, in sangria, in spritzers (okay forget I said that – who really drinks a wine spritzer anyway? make some sangria out of that shit and let’s get serious, please. with the 60 proof triple sec. ok, that may be taking it too far…30 proof is fine by me).

Hmmm…maybe this means my writer’s block is about to go away!

And the Oatmeal is, as always, spot on. Cheers, Oatmeal. I’m going to sit here and read your comics and wait for inspiration to rain down on me while drinking away this migraine with wine. I know, perhaps not one of my best decisions, but hey, who’s counting?

Read the full Oatmeal comic about working on the interwebs. Really, it is my life. You’re welcome (or um, thank you Oatmeal, you’re awesome!).