Tips for Adulthood

No really, you read that right. This is a blog about tips for adulthood. Well, okay. Not really. It should perhaps be relabeled tips that work for me. But that’s not as interesting. 

1. Drugs suck, especially if you’re me. I injured my back recently (well really a horse did that for me but that’s another story…) and percosets keep me up all night, muscle relaxers don’t help and make me exceptionally stupid, and steroids make me fat and bloated and sweat a lot (attractive!). Take nothing and I can’t sleep because it hurts. Fun.
2. Getting old also sucks. I can remember a time when I didn’t care and rode my horses anyway, and was reckless and carefree. Now I’m more reckless and carefree seeing if having a glass of wine with percoset will make me sleepy (it doesn’t – and don’t worry, the doctor actually suggested I try it…I’m that weird when it comes to meds).
3. Crime TV is great until you start dreaming your house alarm is going off because someone broke in to steal your drum set (only I don’t have a drum set). Back meds may have been involved. See #1.
4. I’m still watching crime TV and taking back meds (though less of them thank goodness). I don’t expect to sleep much tonight.
5. Now you know why insomnia is my friend.
6. Procrastination sucks and doesn’t get your work done for you, even if you’re procrastinating by writing a blog while waiting for a new website theme for a client to upload so you can get back to work…even though you already have a glass of wine poured for the night and aren’t planning on getting back to work. Until you’re regretting having 12h of work to do on a Friday because you’ve procrastinated all week
7. You can suffocate (or close to it) by waking up to a cat trying to cuddle you by lying on your face. White fluffy cats are exceptionally good at this skill.
8. Wine doesn’t make it all better, but it makes numbers 1 – 7 seem less significant.
9. Friends make all of the above even better.
10. Smoking 6.7 pounds of pork roast on the grill takes longer than 4-5 hours. Much, much longer. Even when your friend tries to tell you he only bout 3 pounds, and you pull the label out of the trash to find out the real weight of the pork AKA half a pig. Yes, you know who you are, but it’s okay because it still came out awesome anyway. And now we have pork for dinner and lunch from now until August. Or September.