Well I did finally get my tree up, lit, and fully decorated, but it wasn’t easy…it’s a long story littered with fuck ups, disasters, a perpetually broken down truck, and a whole lot of other shit. But hey, if you think you had a rough week, have a seat and laugh at mine!

This is how my week went.  Monday was heads down working all day and catching up after the long weekend, typical for a Monday.  Then Tuesday I check my nearly empty bank account and find that the credit card company I’ve been using too $99 out of  my account with no warning and no explanation.  I call them, flipping out, and get the runaround.  Took 2 calls and 3 tries to actually get a rep on the phone, and then all I am told is that it’s some IRS reporting fee.  Bullshit.  Basically it’s an excuse for Commerce Payment Systems to charge you out the wazoo.  They claim to be so much cheaper than Intuit, but let me tell you, it’s all crap. They have hidden fees, their rates change whenever they feel like without warning, and you never know what’s going to be taken out of your account.

So I fired them. Only I found out you need to fill out some form before they allow you to fire them. And in the meantime they tell me it could take up to 30 – 60 days for my “refund request” for the random $99 to be processed, if approved.  IF APPROVED? Eff that! Hang up on them, and call my bank and put a stop payment on the charge.  Then I call Intuit and while rewiring the ABS line on my truck, that was causing the ABS light to come on, the ABS system to be off, and 4WD not to work.  You know, little necessities when oh, towing a horse trailer, and living in the mountains heading into winter.  As I’m fixing that, the Intuit rep gets me all set up and approved for an account and BAM! Done. Recurring billing included, all for less than the BS with Commerce Payment Systems.  Thank goodness!

Yes, it’s still Tuesday at this point and knowing the weather this week is going to be touch and go, I decide hey, well it’s only 8PM why not put up the tree? I at least managed to get the tree inside, and opened without Jack peeing on it (success!).  Some of my lights still work, but the tree looked kinda half-lit so I figured I’d get more lights on Wednesday when I went to see my family before my sister heads home to New Zealand.  I manage to eat dinner at 11PM (leftover turkey again) and get to bed by 2AM.  Reasonable-ish.

So much better than Wal-Mart

Well the truck wires are fixed and I head to see my brother so we can tape up the wires for good. Simple enough, right? Oh wait, except now my radiator is leaking antifreeze all over.  Crap.  After dinner, I get sealant, and then stop at Target on the way home from my Dad’s.  Get the lights I need and few Christmas gifts and I’m back on my way home in under an hour. Awesome! Until I get almost home and stop for gas. And I don’t have my wallet. CRAP.  I call Target, and amazingly, the manager is able to find it IN A SHOPPING CART in the cart return outside in the lot. Wow I’m brilliant, I actually managed to pack the car with what I bought and take my wallet off my wrist and off the front seat of the car and put it in the cart – where it hasn’t been at all while shopping – and return the cart with my wallet in it. WTF is wrong with me? No, I wasn’t drinking. I did this entirely sober, all on my own.  Brilliance at its finest, I tell you.  So I turn around and drive the 30 min back to get it, then back home.  Of course I had my dogs with me so as soon as we got home, now about 10PM, I feed them and they proceed to puke from driving in circles on the highway. Awesome.

Hey, but I have lights on the tree.  Yup, 11PM on Wed, and I decide that I’m going to put the damn lights on the tree if it kills me.  It almost does.  Fortunately I have some wine here that helps.  Tree lit, garland with lights around the doorway hung. And I’m in bed nice and early like I planned exhausted and stressed by 3AM. Yay hump day…

Sooooooo Thursday will be better, right? Sure. Get up and do some stuff in the barn and get ready to trailer a horse that was adopted. Well the fucker WILL NOT GET ON THE TRAILER. Refuses.  We try every trick in the book, feed, treats, even a blindfold. And nope, he’s not scared, just standing all droopy lip and half asleep looking at us like, “hey assholes, just so you know, I’m not getting on this trailer.” Awesome. 1h later, the adopters say they’re going to jog home. With the horse. They live about 6 miles away, he runs marathons, and his wife will follow him in the car. Welcome to my world. Who needs a horse trailer, when you can just jog the horse there?

Back inside to work, and oh wow, early night for me! I’m done and eating dinner by 9pm.  That’s gotta be some sort of personal record. Even having turkey and stuffing for the umpteenth day in a row tastes like a gourmet meal.  And the wine – shit I don’t even know what kind it was. It was wine. Because that was my week, and it’s not over yet. But it’s Friday. TGIF. Do I get some sort of award for making it through the week? Pretty please? See, and you thought your week was crazy. Could you imagine if I had kids? Hahahaha just that thought makes me need some Jack Daniels. Oh dear.

Hey at least the tree is up and the stockings hung…

No, really, thanks a lot – to all of you my lovely readers that follow this train wreck of a blog (aka my life) and to all of you that are so organized and ahead of the game, that you already are done with Thanksgiving, cleaned up from having a houseful of crazy relatives, managed to do your Black Friday and last bit of Christmas shopping without interfering with family dinner or getting trampled by the masses, and came home to finish out the weekend with an already perfect Christmas tree up, house decorated and the holidays in full swing.  Thanks.

Because I’m not nearly that motivated organized ready for Christmas. And because after a week of getting ready to host family and also splitting wood so I can keep the house warm, I’m just flat out exhausted. And possibly a little bit sick.  Maybe. I’m not quite admitting that yet, but I slept for 10 hours last night, and did the same on Saturday night as well.  And that is totally not like me. Besides, I hate it, because it makes me feel like a lazy piece of shit when I get out of bed at 10AM and the rest of the world has been functioning since 6 or 7. Hey, at least there was wine. Lots and lots of wine for the holidays. 

Could also be that in all the commotion of the weekend, I’ve forgotten to take my thyroid meds so much as once, so I did that this morning. Hopefully that helps. Because on top of sleeping like a hibernating bear in the dead of winter, I’ve also been getting the hot/cold/hot/cold flashes and sweats which is so much fun, and I’m way too young for menopause (EEEEK! No, really, I’m 37). But I know when my thyroid is out of whack I get like that so definitely could be part of the issue. On top of it, after I eat something – anything – I want to go straight to bed. Ugh, yeah thanks a lot, thyroid. For making me feel like crap and running down my immune system and now I’m stuffy too. Don’t even try to blame Jack. Whiskey kills germs, you know.  Seriously.  That stuff is like medicine in a bottle, just ask anyone from the 1800s or 1900s. Doctors prescribed that stuff for everything from a cold to a headache to the flu. I drink enough Jack that I betcha I could have been a doctor in my past life. What’s wrong? Headache? Here, have some Jack! Toothache? Jack’s the cure.  What about the flu? No problem, Jack will make it all better!


Anyway, my Christmas tree is standing outside waiting to be opened up and brought in the house.  I’m feeling almost like I should do that today, but at the same time not so much. All of my friends’ Facebook feeds are of their perfect families and their pretty trees and lovely houses and meanwhile my single, tired, self hasn’t put mine up yet.  I think that will be the goal for tomorrow: decorate for the holidays and get out of bed before 10. Damn you, thyroid, we’re doing this.

On a more serious note, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend with family and friends, no one got overly caught up in the Black Friday sales craze, and that today is a lovely relaxing Monday for all. I know I’ll be here working and shopping Cyber Monday sales for the holidays and procrastinating my tree going up. Honestly though I already cleaned some this morning and if I bring in the tree, I’ll just have to vacuum and clean all over again and go into the attic and get the decorations out and that’s too much effort for today.  Today is day #1 back on thyroid meds. Let’s see how we can kick that thyroid into gear by tomorrow.  Happy Cyber Monday, all! And if you come across any great deals to share, feel free to post them here.  I’ll put up a link to a list of some of my favorite CM sales shortly. 

In the theme of saying “thanks a lot,” I’m thankful for my sister home from New Zealand and spending time with her (if I get sick, I’m totally blaming you, Steph!), my brother turning 30 and getting engaged (congrats, bro!), and my family all being able to get together several times this past month to celebrate and spend time together. I’m thankful for my family of amazing animals, from cats to dogs to horses, and thankful for some amazing friends near and far, that I love and trust and am so grateful to have in my life.  And for my one friend lending me his log splitter.  That thing is my favorite new toy! Have you ever seen how a 29 ton splitter can crack a giant log like it’s a toothpick? Fun, and much better than trying to split wood by hand.


Oh and I leave you with a funny. My little dog Jack (Daniels of course, like you had to ask) is a rescue and as far as I know, never seen a tree inside before. So at my Dad’s house yesterday for dinner, he was so excited, he ran right over to the tree…and peed on it (and the gifts underneath)!  Poor dog was all excited that there was a bathroom inside the house for him and next thing he knew he was getting yelled at and tossed outside.  Hopefully he doesn’t do that when my tree goes up. Tomorrow. LOL 

And so it starts. Or rather, continues. It’s 11:22PM and I just finished dinner. The last 2 pies are in the oven, and it’s been a whirlwind week. Only it’s just Tuesday. Crap. Somehow now that I’m working for myself, a short week seems like a curse rather than something to look forward to!  Can I have a few more days in this week please? Pretty please? With rum on top?

Baking with Jack. While working.  #byob be your own boss

Speaking of rum…I managed to make 2 Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum Apple Pies (that smell delish in the oven and are making my house smell amazing!), and a kick-you-in-the-ass-and-get-you-buzzed Jack Daniels Spiced Pumpkin Pie. Two of those two.  Two for here, two to bring to my friends’ house for dessert after my family leaves. Because they converted their pool house to a private bar and we will all be watching football and after family at my house all day, I’m sure I’ll be ready to relax for a drink for a lot of drinks. And I stole their Captain to make the apple pies, so it’s only fair I bring them two.  The Jack I at least bought myself. But hey, it’s the holidays, which means it’s all about sharing.  Shots, er, I mean pie for everyone!

Jack the Pumpkin approves

My house now smells like Jack Daniels and pumpkin pie with the scent of spiced Captain and baking apples now wafting through. I do have to say, despite the wicked freezing rain/icing mess outside (that keeps interrupting my ID murder tv…), with the wood stove roaring and the oven going, it sure smells amazing in here! I just hope that means that the pies turned out as good as they smell, because I’ve never made them before.  I also didn’t have a rolling pin. And I wore gloves like I use to dye my hair because don’t like getting dough stuck to my hands (yes I made the crust, but it was from a box, I know only 1/2 a point for me for this). And mostly, because if you know me, you are probably more shocked at the fact that I baked. On purpose. And it smells good. than you are by the fact that I wore gloves because dough is sticky.  I just like to shock people really.

The house is (mostly) clean and laundry is (mostly) done. All the throw blankets and whatnot have been washed and the couch has even been vacuumed out because my mom is allergic to cats and dogs and I have a menagerie here. Seriously I do live on a farm. What did you expect? A hermit crab and some fish? As if! 

Yes I did totally just throw that back to Clueless. Which sort of makes me want to watch that movie now, because it’s funny and the TV keeps going in and out. But I also love my ID TV.  Nothing like some good real life murder charges on a cold, dark, rainy, icy, stormy night on a 40 acre farm all by yourself to set the mood. I feel like I’m setting up myself as some Suzy Homemaker turned horror movie scream-fest soon to be killed featurette. Clearly, I watch too much murder TV. Hmmm…well I have all the Captain and Jack around. Maybe I should go make myself a drink and let my imagination run wild relax. Really. Sometimes it’s like you hardly even know me. of COURSE I am going to relax. Or something like it…

Yum!

G’night all! I’ll post those recipes soon, because DAMN does everything smell good. Tomorrow is time to brine the turkey, prep the stuffing and turkey glaze, set up the green bean casserole, bake the biscuits, and make the home made whole berry spiced cranberry sauce.  And wipe down the cabinets because after all day baking destroying the kitchen, there’s more than a little bit of pie on the front of the cabinets. Somehow I’m sure tomorrow will contribute to the mess.  Wish me luck!

Preface: something I wrote a long time ago, that a great friend reminded me of today. Thank you, Lauryn. Love you! And because this bears resaying and is something that always rings so true to me, to my heart and my soul.

Never and Ever and Ponies and Snow

I believe in me, in all that I know
The things that my heart has told me so
My crooked smile and stubborn ways
Will be only mine for all of these days
I’ll not fear change, nor fret defeat
Never say never nor ever retreat
The more you say can’t, I do and I will
I don’t like to run, but never stand still
I believe I can fly, I can dream, I can be
Anything, everything, I’ll ever need be
Never say never nor ever say die
Keep your feet on the ground and your dreams in the Sky
Forever is now and always is here
Maybe’s not maybe what I want to hear
Tomorrow is new and Yesterday’s past
Now is enough if you make Today last

If chances were raindrops, I’d play in the rain
And welcome the storm clouds whenever they came
If Luck were a pony, on his back I would ride
Through the snow in the hills to the wild oceanside
And if dreams grew like apples from blossoms on trees
I’d pick all of mine and do what I please

And when I awake from chances and dreams
Next to my horse Lucky beneath apple trees
I’ll smile at the sun and swear to the Sky
I’ll never say never and never say die
Forever is always and now that I’m here
There’s nothing to worry and nothing I fear
Time is my friend, and nothing’s my foe
And I will be happy wherever I go
I believe in myself and all that I know
And in raindrops and apples and ponies and snow

– CJ

Ahh, I feel so homey.  The wood stove is going, I brought in wood from outside to get me through the next few chilly days, stalled the quad because I ran out of gas, averted panic thanks to my friend having a gas tank in her car, and was able to unload the wood.  Of course she has a gas tank in her car, but I mean a container with gas in it, I didn’t have to siphon fuel out of her car (fortunately, but the thought crossed my mind).

Once I got the stove stoked, I made popcorn the old school way – in a frying pan on the stove. And I didn’t burn it, or set fire to the house! I feel so accomplished. It actually came out pretty good and between the traditional popcorn and the smoke smell of the wood stove filling the house, it was like I was on Little House on the Prairie. Just call me Laura Ingalls Wilder from now on. 

If I had apple trees, this is how I imagine my day…

Now it’s back to work as the holidays mean a lot of busy stuff for me. Clients doing pre-Thanksgiving promos, Black Friday through Cyber Monday promos, 12 Days of Christmas promos…and theres a ton to do to support all of that. Not to mention creating the emails and making sure everything is linked and tagged and tracks properly.  So much to do!

Tomorrow I have horses to work (hopefully it won’t be windy like it was today) as well as more digital marketing work to do, and I didn’t bring in enough wood to get me through more than just a few days. Damn. Not to mention that I need to actually CUT more wood if I want to have enough to get through winter. Anyone want to come fix my log splitter? While that homestead idea sounds so lovely, somehow splitting wood by hand just doesn’t sound like fun…

Or better yet, don’t. It will be 5 minutes of your life you never get back. Oh Kanye. How did no one think to tell you how absolutely awful this video is? I feel like someone did a mashup with Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas mixed with the worst wrap and sappy chorus ever sung. With Kim, naked. Apparently this was all planned and a part of Kanye’s creative vision.  My favorite quote is West rapping, “I wanna f—k you hard on the sink! After that, give you something to drink.” That’s love, y’all. 

Wait what? Sex on the sink? Is that the new thing? How exactly does that work? At least Kanye knew to include horses in his video. Clearly, that was clutch. Life on the homestead is looking better than ever! 

Wild horses make it all worthwhile. Of course.