I needed to reread this the other day and while it’s something I wrote, it’s been a while and so I actually went to Google and searched for it, and I found it. So here it is because sometimes it’s worth rereading. Or at least it is for me.
i took a hiatus from writing for a while, for no real reason other than i had a lot of work to do on myself and needed to focus there first. but now despite mercury rx, things are moving forward again and – as always – i am smiling, and writing with all my heart and all my soul.
so much has changed. every single day i find another reason for someone not in my life, when someone or something new comes into it and fills the space left behind by those i’ve let go with love and warmth and happiness that reminds me of that saying i said so many times as i moved through the beginnings of this change last year.
“i’ve learned you can’t force negativity to leave you. you must leave it. if it’s still there in your life, it’s only because you have let it be”
and so i have left negativity in so many people, places, and things behind.
i’ve also learned that leaving them doesn’t mean that i can’t still love them and wish the best for them – because i do. especially for the ones whom i have had to let go of completely, because i know they are the ones that need to find happiness the most. i remind myself that we all have our own lessons to learn, and it is up to each and every one of us to do what we need to move forward in our lives and find our own happiness. in finding mine, i can better share with others, but not all will want to be happy here, now, or in the same ways. and sometimes that means letting go.
I have no idea what year that is from. It’s on my old Tumblr blog that I haven’t used in ages and I couldn’t find the time / date stamp (though to be honest, I didn’t try that hard because it doesn’t really matter). The lesson was there again, and exactly what I needed to hear.
I’m manic. I just chose to drop the “depressive” part and use it to my advantage. That’s my superpower. What’s yours?
I got so much done today, that I am not even entirely sure how I pulled it off – or am still awake for that matter. I couldn’t have done it without the help of my friends, and I thank you guys so much. It’s like you magnify my superpowers tenfold!
And then there’s times when the universe is taking a shit on you left and right and every time you’re all like oh, okay we’re finally done. Cool, we can move forwar-WRONG!!!! Next thing you know you got kicked in the face again and neither vehicle is still running right (total first world problems, I know) and you’re supposed to go camping tomorrow and nothing is done and everything is fucked up and then you get pulled over by a state trooper. At. Your. Exit. UGH.
You know what? That moment turned my entire day around. You see, the nice officer didn’t give me a ticket. He said he could see I was having a rough day and he recognized my vehicle and that I usually don’t speed, and liked that I lived there year round and wasn’t just a weekender. And he let me go. We both shared a laugh. And then things started to fall into place. Sure, that was nearly 530PM and I only just got everything done that I needed to at 1030 to finally sit down with my basic autumn harvest beer to watch the Pats Giants game (really Big Blue???? REALLY???), and laugh at the cats and unwind. Truth be told I am still unwinding after today – this week – this month – this whole year, really – that it’s probably the only reason why I am still awake. I need the adrenaline and survival mode to subside so I can truly relax. And tomorrow is vacation. Tomorrow. Is. VACATION!
I love autumn camping. Three days and two nights in the woods with my horse and a campfire and some great Bourbon Cream from Prohibition Distillery and some comfort food and some campfire food and mostly time to do nothing but wander the trails and relax by the fire. Best part is I get to bring this (mostly) cool (when we’re not getting on each other’s nerves) teenager I know that just happens to live with me (it’s a long story. No, not that long. Longer.) and his horse, too. And one of our best friends, this amazing woman who’s a vet but also happens to have the biggest heart of anyone you’ve ever met gets to come too. It’s going to be great. To be honest, with how things have been going, if it was just me by myself, it would still be equally as great because everything about camping in autumn is amazing.
So if lately I’ve been a little busy or distant or disconnected, I am sorry. It’s not because you’re negative (or maybe it is, but really that’s got nothing to do with me). It’s because I’ve been focusing on how to juggle these new balls I’ve been thrown in life and trying to keep my balance and find even footing and figure out where I stand. It will all come back around. It always does and I will be back in touch soon. I promise, and you know I will stand by my word. But right now I need to spend some time lost in the woods with a horse or two and a few friends and a whole lot of nothing on my plate. And marvel at the wonders of how things come full circle and the Lost Soul’s Society may just be a thing again after all.
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