And I’ll know I’ll be back tomorrow night. It’s just a matter of time…
This time vs that time, vs the time before and all those times I believed everything you ever told me. The collective you. The every guy that I ever dated that said all the wrong or all the right things. But what did it matter? I’d believe it just the same. I didn’t know better then anyway. It was all just par for the course. You were all more of the same. Even you, when I told you you were different. You were just another vice. Only difference was this time you beat me to my own punch. I’d say well played but you only beat me because you were actually a coward to my hell bent fear. I suppose that was the big difference. I’d be afraid, but I know courage because it’s just the way I live. You know fear and you live there – to the point that you’ll turn tail and run away before you ever have to stand up – or next to – or be a partner to – someone who could stand beside you. I am sorry for you, for what a lonely existence that must be.
It’s just a matter of time. I know this. I have grown so much over all these years. I grew enough to overcome my fear of regret and choose instead to live. I said I wished I could live fearlessly, only to realize I was already living my true life, unapologatically, on my own terms to see that I never wanted someone to save me nor serve me. I just wanted someone strong enough to stand by my side and be my equal. Call me out when I was wrong, build me up when I was weak, but most of all to be there and fight for me knowing I’d do the same.
I am fierce. I am a warrior. I have and always will fight for what I believe in, and I expect nothing less in whomever wishes to stand by my side. I don’t want a handyman, nor a prince. I have no use for a hero, for you see I’ve already saved myself. But if you want to stand beside me please, know how to stand your ground.