There are things I write in my journal that I don’t share with anyone else, but occasionally when I’m really struggling or feel like I need to make those words more powerful, I’ll share on here if it will help me move forward. I wrote both of these letters for myself, they are not about anyone else. I needed to give those words more meaning today and so I am typing them here. I don’t know if I will publish this, though I assume I eventually will otherwise I wouldn’t even bother typing this out. But right now, I’m not ready. Right now, I’m still confused. Right now, I’m still reminding myself that I am trustworthy and how to move forward and look up. Like all things in life, this too, is temporary.

I’ve always said everything I love either leaves or dies. I’m just finally standing still long enough to see that I deserve to be loved, too.

People can’t stay if you’re always pushing them away. Being afraid is okay, you just need to trust that those who love you will be there for you, and those who don’t weren’t meant to be in your life. Sometimes we all need time and space to find our our way and sometimes we realize how truly blessed we are with all the love in our lives.

Loving someone is easy. Allowing ourselves to be loved – and believing we are lovable and deserving of love in return is hard.
Even for me.
Especially for me.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the feelings that we forget to breathe. We forget to talk. We forget to trust others to love us for who we are.

Stand still. Listen. Ask. Be loved.
One day at a time.
11/5/23

I have what I want. Remember this. Go slow. Be open, but keep your eyes open. Talk. Speak your truth. But remember to listen, too. Listen not just to words, but to actions, intentions, and who people show you who they are. Not only who they are to you, but who they are to family, to friends, to those who rely on them, and those who love them. Listen to who they are to those who have wronged them, as well as those they have not been the best to, also.

Then look at yourself. Who you are. How you love those who are good to you, but who you are and how you act to those who aren’t good to you, too. Ask yourself the hard questions – the why’s and the how’s, and the what have you learned and how can you be better and grow.

Own your own shit, but realize you don’t have to do everything alone.
Say “please,” and “thank you,” and “I appreciate you.”
Make time for what matters and room in your heart for those who matter to you. Say, “I love you,” when you mean it, and never when you don’t. But don’t wait so long that you lose it.

Let yourself be loved in return. By family and friends. And learn to let someone in to truly love you – slowly, in the right ways, and the right time – so you can take down those walls and build a new foundation together.

Bury fear.
Abandon hate.
Be willing to trust, listen, & learn.
Be open to loving and being loved.

And believe that, one day at a time, things can be different so long as you’re willing to take a chance, open up, and let someone in.

The key to my heart, the key to my mind, and a penny for my/your thoughts may be three very different things. But together, they can be something completely different entirely. Together they can be amazing.
Together they can become something truly incredible.
12/26/23