Wraparound me, like the hugs I never had and the affection I never knew or knew I deserved.
Wrap your arms around me and tell me that it’s safe to breathe here, in a place and time where the air is clear.
Sit on this porch swing with me and just be, let me wrap myself around you in a place I’ve never known.
Even in this place I call home.
Wraparound me like a porch swing with that backlit glow of sunset that warms your back even when your face can’t see the light.
Wraparound my heart as you listen to me without judgement and I can finally be myself for just a moment.
Dream of that wraparound porch and all the things I can never be to you, and know that I’ll always be your biggest fan.
Wraparound dreams, wraparound porches, and wraparound hugs are some of the best things in the world, and I’m so grateful to share any of that with you.
I listen to the campfire crackle. The sound of the radio. The dogs snoring. The stars shining overhead. Somehow I feel always too close to the fire, but never afraid of getting burned, just far enough away to not quite feel the warmth. Something I’m missing in myself, I’m sure but still sitting by the fire looking at the stars writing these words under a moonless night is enough to bring peace to my soul.
I’ve never felt safe before. No one ever had my back. I guess in some ways, it was liberating, there was no one responsible for my success or failure but me. And I owned it – all of it, the good and the bad. And I learned from it too, but not always, or even if I always did, it was at the cost of my heart over and over and over again to the point that nearing my 46th birthday I still don’t know how to let anyone in. Not really, anyway. I’ll still tell you about my past, just a few weeks ago I wrote about all the conversations I had with my skeletons and everything they told me – even when it wasn’t what I wanted to hear – and I’m okay with that. Just don’t ask me why I can’t love someone enough to share a life with them other than friends. And I’ll tell you I have the best friends in the world – because it’s true, I do. Even more so, for all the friends I have, and all the people I know, I still so often feel like the throwaway girl, or the party friend, the social coordinator. I know that’s of my own doing. Don’t ask me why I can’t let anyone in, because I don’t know. A few people have gotten to know me better recently. Some more than others, and well. Well. Sometimes I wish things were different, but they’re not.
I’m here. I’m where I am in life for so many reasons. Some of those reasons are you. Thank you.
No one’s ever really had my back, ever just said, “I got you,” and actually meant it to the point that their actions matched their words, or I could truly trust them. Or worse yet, I did trust them and got hurt over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Wraparound me, the way I wraparound you and take the past away. Let me just be me. Hug me the way that I’ve never been hugged and let me know that it’s okay to show affection, to not just tell people you care, but actually show it too.
Wraparound me. Melt away the past with the comfort of now and the hope of everything amazing to come.
Because that’s what friends do. Wraparound each other’s souls and give each other a safe place to become everything that they were meant to be, so that they can go out into the world and be the amazing person you always knew they were. Wraparound hugs that heal the heart where you know you are safe with someone who can see your soul. Where you know, that no matter what, you’re safe here. Always. On this wraparound with a cold beer ❤️