Strong women scare weak people. I see it all the time, and I am finally embracing it instead of figuring out how I should tone things down or be less intimidating, less up front, less confrontational, or whatever it is others want me to be to make themselves more comfortable. Instead, I am being me. Seeker of truth and adventure. Speaker of my own mind. Answering to no one but myself and the reflection in the mirror and the universe in front of me. Forging my own path, to hell with what society thinks. Call me what you will – crazy, loud, intense, arrogant, insane – no matter to me. I do not answer to you. I answer to me. And I am inviting women everywhere to join in the search for truth and adventure.
I’d say I am inviting them to join me but that’s not true and that would just be vain and contradictory to what I believe in. It’s not about joining me, it’s about coming together and finding your own truth, your own adventure, your own strengths and weaknesses and learning that above all, you never ever are alone. We can be individuals together. Strong women who empower each other rather than work against one another. We can intimidate the weak men and the fearful women, and inspire all of those around us to look inside themselves and find their own truths, their own adventures, and their own path – and help them see that they, too, are never alone.
Fear breeds isolation for it needs you to cut off others so that you can believe the lies you tell yourself. If you stop and listen to yourself in how you describe others, how much of that is a psychological projection of who you really are and what your fears are made of, as opposed to what you actually believe about another person? If you have to whitewash the truth, sugarcoat the story, adjust the details even a little, then how true is it? Ask yourself the more pressing question – how true are you being to yourself if you can’t even speak the truth out loud?
Does spreading falsities about others actually bring you more joy, success, or happiness?
Does telling people what you think they want to hear to keep from hurting them actually keep them safer from the truth not just in that moment, but long term, also?
Does hiding your phone from friends and family really protect them from what you said or is it how you protect yourself from being accountable for your own words and actions?
Does any of that actually make you feel better about yourself?
It doesn’t for me, or for those who I choose to spend time with. I won’t tell you what it does for you – only you can answer that.
Know this: I do not give my time to dishonest people or cowards. And remember this: time reveals all things.
I’ve been through some deep self-reflection and growth past childhood and buried trauma recently. It’s come back to me in nightmares and dreams turned healing, and anxiety turned productivity turned positive but it didn’t come without its own price. Sleep has been hard, and being busy has been better but also makes it harder to turn off my brain. These things underneath bubbling to the surface have been tremendously helpful even when they didn’t feel as such in the short term. Because ultimately they helped me clear out some of the cobwebs of the past and in reopening old wounds, let them heal for real this time. And that was transformational.
I started writing this a few weeks ago but got stuck and couldn’t finish it and then after the changes the past few weeks (and few nights most specifically) I could feel things shifting and the timing was right and I felt like I came through the tired, awake again and feeling like spring is fully here – weather notwithstanding.
Recently the question came to mind, “what are you more afraid of – being hurt or being happy?” And I struggled with that a bit. I wanted to answer that I am afraid of neither however there was still some part of me nagging to be acknowledged that I was afraid of both so I sat with that feeling for a few days and let it sort itself out. It has, and some pieces of my past came to light that helped lighten the load, and open the door to even more growth. It helped me find more of my own truth, forgive more of my own past, and look towards others with even more compassion and understanding than ever before and I am grateful for that. In doing all that, it also helped me see that I can honestly say that I am moving to the place in my life where I am not afraid of being hurt or being happy. I already am happy, and hurt comes as a part of living a passionate life filled with love and joy and emotions. Both ends of the spectrum are part of living and it’s in accepting them rather than fighting them that we learn how to truly live and accept the life around us.
The sun is out today though it may rain later. The furnace had improvement work done with a few more little things to go. The tractor is apart with parts on the way and hopefully a (final) fix this week. The upper oven heating element is going and the lower oven light flickers but that’s next on the list. When the weather holds for several days I’ll pressure wash the house and the porch and deck, and then the following weekend stain the porch and deck but that may be next month or so. There *is* always something when it comes to home ownership, and I’m so blessed to have a home I can call my own. I am learning to take things in stride and not feel overwhelmed putting all the expectations of the world on myself all at once to constantly do more and more to the point of breaking and as such today I am sitting still. I made me and the girls a beautiful brunch. I am relaxing on the couch with the animals watching the Yankees game. Later the neighbors invited me to come by, and this evening I am going to try to swing by my friend’s restaurant to help celebrate their grand re-opening that I missed last night because we were working on the tractor. I was also invited to go grill with friends. Tomorrow I have a few small home repairs to do, as well as maybe stop at two different friends’ breweries, with the dogs for a short hike, and of course there’s always sports to watch.
This week will be hectic with softball games M/W/Th and a tournament all day Saturday. I’m looking forward to some time on the next rainy weekend day to start chipping away at the basement and get that ready for finishing in the next several months to a year. Getting organized and cleaning always makes me feel good, and working a job where so much of what I do is intangible, having tangible results around the house and farm always brings with it a sense of accomplishment. Balancing that with family time, downtime, and time out with friends comes easier these days, even as my travel schedule ramps up and things continue to grow with my business. I am grateful for that too.
So speak your truth and you won’t have to go looking for it. Let your fears dissipate as you embrace all life has to offer and the freedom that comes with honesty. Seek adventure and find that richness is measured in smiles, not dollars. Spend your time wisely, be kind to yourself, and embrace the downtime as much as the go-time and everything else in between. And above all else, be you. There’s no one else in the world like you. Get outside. Look up. Believe in magic. Smile. Speak the truth, seek adventure, and embrace all that life has to offer!
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