I really look forward to when life isn’t as hard for all of us. But for now I’ll take the hours long phone calls and the magic of snow dusting my face under a clouded moonlit sky and take all the laughter in between ❤️.
Today was a good day. I feel like me again. It’s amazing how a dash of nostalgia and some trauma conditioning can throw you into a tailspin over nothing or close to nothing, but it can. And how with people who care about you, and good conversations and great laughter, you can move from that place where the pendulum swings with force over to a place of balance and comfort and confidence.
I know I don’t see myself the way many other people do, and I know I am likely worth more than I think I am. I also know I am learning. We are always learning. And I am ever so grateful for the people around me who are always there for me to make me smile and laugh, and lift me up to a better place and remind me that there’s so much more to life than just stress and worry.
Sometimes – actually more often than not – life doesn’t go according to plan. Quite frequently it gets sidetracked with the messy stuff, the hard stuff, and the things that either make us or break us. Even the little things that maybe not on their own could break or make us have a huge impact when viewed cumulatively.
That’s just it though. It’s the messy stuff that matters. How you deal with the hard stuff. How you come together as a family – even a family of friends. Roller coasters aren’t any good if they only go up. You need the downs, too, to really make it incredible. Sure the drops and whizzes and turns can make your stomach drop out from your chest and catch your breath in your throat. They can be thrilling and scary and exciting and exhilarating. They also wouldn’t exist without the long climb up. And the long climb up would never be worth it if all you could do is get to the top and stand there stagnant and look around.
No way, baby. Let’s RIDE!
I am pretty sure that I can fix my knee by next weekend. Forgot the joint supplements for a few days and felt the difference. Took them today and felt the difference again for the better. New knee brace is here to keep me from over extending it. Weather looks good for next Sunday. And I’ll take my healing body for a test run hike through the snow to my favorite place in the woods tomorrow morning again, and get back into my groove that I love so much that helps make sense of this crazy roller coaster called life.
I love this life. Even the hard stuff. Especially the hard stuff. It reminds me that there’s still so much more to learn, and so much more healing to do. And the best part is that it reminds me I never ever have to do it alone – even when I come home to an empty house and feel a little melancholy at the hollow feeling in my chest. That’s okay. I’m human too. The other thing that matters is that I feel. I feel so deeply and so truly that it’s easy for me to get caught up in the moment and forget the road ahead. This time I remembered. It took work, and help from my friends. And some fighting of my own skeletons and demons to remember why I am here. I am here to help. I am here to love. I am here to be loved. And I am here as a part of this incredible amazing family of friends that make this house home, and make me realize what life really could look like when you let go of some of the struggles and let life unfold around you and envelop you and make you whole again.
I am so happy today. I am looking forward to tomorrow. I am looking forward to so many amazing things ahead. I am looking forward to challenges and changes, great roller coaster rides, theme park and oceanside summers, camping in Luzerne, riding the horses, and of course, sharing these great times and smiles and laughter with all of these amazing people I love.
I stood outside tonight and talked to my best friend as I lifted my head and looked up at the moonless cloudy sky. The tiniest of snowflakes dusted my face with magic, and I sneezed that sneeze you sneeze when something as soft as a feather or as light as a snowflake tickles your nose. There’s magic in the world everywhere you look. You just have to stop looking for the extraordinary and realize that it’s the ordinary where the magic lives. You just have to really be alive to see and feel it, and let it change your life and everything ahead.
I’m right here. It’s pretty amazing, actually, to spend a week in a pendulum push trying to stop myself from overthinking and over-explaining while doing exactly that which I hate – overthinking and over-explaining. To come back to center and realize I’m already home. I have faith in you, and in me, and in us, and in all of us, and in a higher power – God / Goddess / Spirit or whatever name you choose, and everything that comes before and after us all comes together to guide us along the way. I have faith that letting things go, and remembering to breathe is the best thing I can do to be there for those I love. I love life. I love us. Tomorrow is another day headed towards true north.