There’s a calm that comes over you in the wake of a storm where regardless of the outcome, somehow you have serene faith that everything is going to be okay. It doesn’t matter that the wind is howling at you, the storm is screaming, and even if the world around you seems to be splintering, if you are really strong, you can find this deep sense of faith that will see you through.
You see, I don’t care which God you believe in. Or Goddess. Spirit. Light. Buddha. Or any many other names. No, that doesn’t matter. What matters is who you are at your core, and where does your faith stand. Who do you trust? Yourself? Yeah, that’s a good place to start, but a hard one too. Sometimes trusting ourselves feels like an impossible challenge until one remembers that the word itself implies the possible by simply saying, “I’m possible.” There are answers there if only you look hard enough. There are answers if you have faith.
Regardless of anyone’s personal struggles, we all have our burdens to bear. Life is not easy, and for those who may have it easy, often behind closed doors the things that they live are less easy than they may have us believe. And, even so, regardless of that too, if we have faith we will see that that one person’s easy doesn’t make the next person’s life hard in return. We each have our own challenges, our own burdens, and our own battles. The beauty comes when we can see that none of these has to happen alone if we allow ourselves to be loved.
I used to believe I was unworthy of love. Most of my life, actually. I still struggle with it sometimes. I thought for a long time it was because of my weight, but then I got healthier and I didn’t feel all that different. I still had many of those same self-doubts nagging at the back of my head telling me it was easier to stand here on my mountain and let no one in. But you know what I learned? I was wrong. Being vulnerable is beautiful and if you learn to love yourself, no one can ever use you against you, even if they try.
I am worthy of love. Even more so, I am also worthy of giving love. And that can be reciprocal. It doesn’t always need to be unrequited or fatalistic or some be all end all suicide pact. That’s not love at all.
Love is caring for others, opening your home and your heart to people you care about, and in turn letting those people care about you, too. It’s about family circles on Life360 so that we all know that each other is safe at all times without ever having to question it. It’s peace of mind knowing that we all care enough about each other to check in. It’s having a home where none of us have keys because we don’t need them – we all have codes to the door because everyone is welcome here and we will always call this home for everyone we love. Even when people feel they don’t deserve it, or don’t belong, or haven’t had the chance yet to figure out if they do or they do not. Because it’s more than that.
It’s home. It’s that ethereal calm that reminds you that your fear is lying to you, that your insecurities are bullshit, and that your doubts are only temporary. It’s that same ethereal calm that helps you through when your body decides to have a panic attack days after your brain sorted through (or so you thought) the stressors in front of you such as work and time and money. It’s that same ethereal calm that washes over you like a wave of relief in a hot shower after a long day and an even longer night filled with laughter and good times even when sometimes there are questions, too. And again it’s that same ethereal calm that reminds you it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not know what happens next. It’s okay to not know all the answers, or to sometimes feel like you know none of them and you have a million more questions every single second. It’s not knowing the outcome but loving anyway.
That’s what faith is. It’s trust, and hope, and love, and serenity, and a belief that if we live to our truest most authentic self, that we will always find our way home. Thank you for showing me that. I love you.