Brave

It’s amazing what being brave can do, and it starts with you. Be brave in how you speak to yourself. Be honest with your words to yourself and others. Use your voice. Speak up. Speak out. Listen, and learn. As people start to understand that your intentions are always borne of love and compassion, and your goal is to always help the people and world around you become a better place, they start to realize that what you say isn’t ever meant in a mean way, as a judgement of them or others, or for personal gain. The world has a lot more at stake than what it can do for you. Let’s be a part of making it even more awesome together!

Sometimes, when you speak, people hear negatives in your words and assume that it is a judgement rather than an observation. Not all observations are positive. Not all stories have only heroes and happy endings. And above all else, the truth is just that – the truth.

I tell my kids all the time that if you don’t want someone to know your actions or what you said to me or others, the best way to prevent that from happening is to not take those actions. Once those words are spoken, those actions are taken, you are accountable to them regardless if others know or not. They still happened. They are still the truth. If you don’t want people knowing what you said or did, easy answer is simply don’t say or do it. And while none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, it’s by owning those mistakes, or those things we said or did that we aren’t proud of that gives us courage, and takes our power back from others. How powerful is it to say – yes, I did that, or yes, I said that, and I was wrong or I could have done better, or I know better now and I’m sorry? It’s powerful, truly mind-blowingly powerful. Try it sometime and you’ll see!

It’s where freedom comes from. Because it’s rooted in honesty and integrity. If you don’t want someone saying you are a coward, then learn to stand up for yourself, speak up and tell the truth even when it’s hard or scary. If you don’t want someone saying you are a failure, own those failures and learn from them and then suddenly they aren’t failures at all, they’re growth and that’s beautiful! Kaleidoscopes aren’t pretty because they are made up of perfectly arranged pieces of art and colors. They are beautiful because they are made up of all the little pieces of glass or beads or whatever else is inside them that changes and shifts depending on which angle you look at them from, making every perspective that much more beautiful.

You can be whatever you want to be. You just have to be brave enough to be honest and speak up. It’s the only way you’ll ever be free and the first step to finding true happiness and love.

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
But don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Sara Bareilles’s song Brave came on my playlist the other day and I hadn’t listened to it in a while. So I did. I didn’t “just listen” while doing stuff. I listened to the lyrics. I turned up the volume. I sang along. I played it again and let the words sink in further. I let myself breathe. I let my thoughts go wherever they did and I examined why I kept looking back instead of forward wondering what was going to happen next and I realized that was simply because I was looking back on recent past experiences as a means to predict where I was going. But I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to be there. That wasn’t a cage I wanted to put myself in. I had just found more freedom than I had known in a long time – or ever – because every relationship and every experience is another opportunity for me to learn and grow and understand myself better and know what I want and what I need and what I deserve and even more so, what I love! I am free to be myself, and that’s something I won’t ever let anyone take away from me, and something I won’t ever take away from anyone in life, friend or foe, acquaintance or neighbor, past or future.

That was brave.

Some people may say I fail at relationships over and over. Some people may say that I’m “old and alone.” Some people may say that I’m batshit crazy. Some people may say that I’m too much. Some people may say that….wait. You know what? They can say whatever they want to say. They should say it! All of it! And I will always speak my truth.

My relationships are never a failure for me. They’re an inspiration and a learning experience. They have taught me boundaries, values, red flags, green flags, and self-worth. They’ve taught me I want someone with generosity in their heart who always tips a little extra, reaches into their pockets to offer whatever little they have even when things are tight for them, and who offer love and support through uncomfortable conversations and vulnerability through their own hard times knowing that we reap what we sow. The more we give, the more we get. The more we hide, the more we lose. Respect, love, trust, integrity, friendship, value, and above all else, freedom. Who wants to lose that? Certainly not I.

So I donate even when I don’t have enough and it’s come back to me tenfold.

I pay it forward in the drive-thru and the love and kindness reverberates around me.

I overtip even when my bill is small because I appreciate those who serve me and support me and when things are tight I know that I can still go out for a beer.

I tell people how I feel, even if it may hurt them and I share observations that may be perceived as negative or judgmental, to remind people that how they interpret words from others is their choice every bit as much as how they choose to react – with anger, resentment, defensiveness, or growth. I choose to grow.

I also choose to remove access to my life and my heart from those who do not share theirs. I choose to share with everyone I love, and even those I don’t because I know that sharing our stories and our failures is how we turn them into growth and success stories and stories of love. The skeletons in our closets cannot live in the daylight and as such, I’ve stopped throwing them out in the street for people to run over or hanging them like Halloween decorations to scare away the intimacy I say I’ve been seeking. I bring them out in the sun and tell their stories to people it may help. And, as a result, I am never alone. I’ve built connections that have changed lives, surely as they have changed mine. And in turn, that means that someone else is also realizing they too are not alone, because we are connected by our skeletons or our pasts or our fears and together we bring them out into the light where their bones crumble, our fear of them fades in the shadows, and suddenly we realize together – all of us – that they were far more scary in the closet like the monsters of our childhood than they ever were once we told people what they were. Once we told people who we really are and let them see us for all of our glory and our love and our fears and our scars and our shame. That right there – all of that – melted all that fear and shame and regret and negativity away. Only the light can do that, but it’s bright. You have to be ready.

You have to be brave.

I’ve learned that sharing with the people who are not kind to us, or do not love us, or speak ill of us is even more important than sharing all of those things with the ones who do love us everyday. It’s how we make the world a better place. I want to make the world a better place. Do you? Then be brave.

And, when things are shitty, or you’re questioning yourself, worried about what someone will think of you for your past, your present, your fears, or your futures, try just saying some of it out loud. One little thing that scares you or makes you feel ashamed – say it out loud to yourself in the mirror. That’s the first step. And then go outside in the light and go on an adventure. Do something you’ve never done before whether it’s to pay for a stranger’s coffee or tell someone you hate that you are sorry life has been unkind to them, or donate to a homeless person or something, anything different. LIVE. Be brave.

The world is awesome! Go be a part of it. Let’s experience amazing together!