This day surely is ending better than it started. And, in looking back over the year, I am so much better now than I was when I started. This has been a truly transformational year. Not to discredit the years prior – 2020 was something, and 2021 was something else. Followed by 23 & 24 which were also um, of note, to put it mildly. But here I am. I made it. Through another year, and the 1% rule holds true. If you just work on improving by 1% every day, imagine the self-discipline and strength and amazing things you could develop with that kind of commitment to yourself! Such a small, incremental improvement brings such amazing things!

I’m still uncertain of what January finances look like, and I’m nervous about that and what lies ahead. I have faith that it will all work out and I am on the precipice of great things and that all the hard work these past years is coming together for new beginnings just ahead. I am learning to let myself feel things, and I mean really feel them, not just gloss over them and move on using business to avoid what lies beneath and that was a process for sure. I learned so much, and am so grateful. I’m laughing and dancing around the living room with music playing and dancing with the animals watching it snow outside. I opened a bottle of wine for the first time in a while, white nonetheless. Though it was also the only bottle in my wine fridge haha I so rarely drink wine or at all these days but today felt like a win and I wanted a nice white with my rosemary Emerald City chicken & zucchini dinner – in the cast iron with sliced sweet potato and a touch of goat cheese. Yum!

What a far cry from this morning, fighting a mild panic attack over the uncertainty of finances, where it felt crippling to get out of bed. But I did! And I let myself feel the fear and understand it, and not talk myself out of it. I just let it flow. I adjusted my morning routine to what I thought would help me work through it, and I got a lot accomplished and felt better. I fielded work calls, fixed the trough heater, fed the horses, put the plow on the quad, walked the dogs over a mile, negotiated with the cats, and freed attic mouse #3. Oh, and I dyed my hair ahead of the Christmas party tomorrow at Solaia, and all before lunch. I spoke with two of my favorite clients-turned-friends-turned-family, and well now here we are.

Sometimes it seems as if it’s far too long for me writing between stories here. And I’d agree. Sometimes I disappear for a short or even a long while. Sometimes it’s for a few weeks, sometimes a few months. I think if you go far enough back on here, there’s probably a period of a year or more where I didn’t post at all. But all that time, I’m still laerning, growing, understanding. Sometimes I have to repeat a lesson a few times before I truly learn and accept it and let it sink in and can move on, but that happens to the best of us. I am tanking a break from hunting because it was starting to feel like stress and a chore rather than something I loved and I realized I was putting too much pressure on myself. Not everyone drops a dear their first year hunting, especially mostly on their own. Some people do. Some do not. Both things are okay. There are no right or wrong answers. And I realize that even with the breaks between posting on here, I always am back here right on time exactly when I need to be.

Life’s funny like that. Things tend to just work out, exactly how they were always going to, once you learn the lessons and figure out how to get out of your own way. Last Friday’s yoga with Jayne was also transformational. It was the first time I could really see things for myself and feel them in my heart, not just as a story I was saying to make myself feel better in the moment. It felt real. Like, really real. And I think that was the first time I felt things could really happen – were really happening – for me. And it feels really, really good.

Candles are burning. The house smells amazing. It’s snowing outside. I have a beautiful home, incredible friends, and an amazing life. I can’t wait to see what’s yet to come!